21 things NOT to say to a child with autism- -and what to say instead
of 21 things NOT to say to a person with an autism spectrum disorder, compiled with the help of members of my facebook autism forum:
1. Shame on you.
*It depends on the circumstance. Let’s say your child bit his brother. Calmly say “no biting,” and separate him from his brother.
2. How many times do I have to tell you?
*No alternatives. Just don’t say it. Don’t you hate it when people say that to you?
3. Maybe (or maybe next time).
*”Yes” or “Not this time.” You’ll notice I didn’t use the word no. I like to reserve no for emergencies, like when a child is about to run into the street.
4. If you are good all week, I’ll give you blah blah blah.
*A whole week?? Even I can’t be good all week. Instead, give praise for little slices of time. If there is a chore your child needs to do each day, or a behavior that he needs to master, give them a star for a job well done. Once they collect a bunch of stars, they can pick out a toy from your secret toy stash. Mine had watercolor sets, small Lego sets and silly putty.
5. What is wrong with you?
*Grrr…Don’t you hate it when people say that to you? Instead, try “It seems like you are having a hard time. Is there something I can do to help?”
6. Focus.
*”Do you want to try this again, or do you need a break?”
7. It’s not loud to me.
*
We wouldn’t say that, would we?
8. I told you yesterday.
*Just don’t say it. Repeat what you need to tell your child calmly.
9. Wait just a minute. (Unless it’s truly just a minute)
*”I’m just finishing this phone call, and then I can help you.”
Then get off the phone and help him.
10. I promise. (Unless you are absolutely sure you can do what you are promising.)
11. It’s not a big deal that your Pokemon cards are out of order.
*Do you want me to help you put them back in order?
12. Look me in the eye.
*(We all know this is a no-no)
13. Stop obsessing.(It’s like saying “stop breathing” to a child with autism.)
*I know you like to talk about airplanes, and you sure know a lot about them. We are going to talk about something else for a while.
14. Idioms of any kind, such as “It’s raining cat’s and dogs.”
15. Shhh! You need to be quiet in here. (The guaranteed response to that is, “BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE QUIET!” at max volume.)
16. You need to wait.
*(see #9)
17. You’d better behave.
*See #4
18. Look at me when I am talking to you.
*(see # 11)
19. “Go ahead and ______ . See what happens.” (sarcasm, however slight, is bad. Autistic or not. )
20. It doesn’t matter, you still need to…
*”Do A, and then you can B”
21. Do you want a time out?
*Do want a break?
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21 things NOT to say to a child with autism- -and what to say instead
of 21 things NOT to say to a person with an autism spectrum disorder, compiled with the help of members of my facebook autism forum:
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